Taking Control

What really counts in life is being able to be yourself, and to be respected for who you really are. Our individuality is what makes us all unique – it’s at the heart of friendship and essential to any team.

To help increase your independence focus on expressing your individuality by taking on things that you can control – don’t focus on things you can’t. This will help your friends, family and colleagues to have greater respect for your independence and your future ambitions.

Asserting yourself

Being assertive is a positive thing, but never be seen as pushy or confrontational.

It’s a way of making yourself heard and understood. It’s also about respecting the needs and rights of the people around you – your family, your friends, your teachers or your work colleagues.

Best of all, you will be happier, and have a much better chance of living life the way you want. Asserting yourself will build your confidence and make your relationships healthier.

Tips for asserting yourself:

• Remember, your rights are not just legal ones – they’re also a state of mind. If you firmly believe in your rights, you will feel more comfortable saying what you think when you want to. It will also show the people you are talking to that you are confident and believe in what you’re saying.
• Be considerate, polite and calm. Make good eye contact, but don’t be aggressive. Listen carefully before you answer.
• Be very specific when you say what you like and don’t like. Don’t get personal and don’t generalise (e.g. “you always…”). Stick to the facts and don’t just guess at other people’s motives or feelings.
• Deal with one issue or situation at a time. Don’t lump together a lot of different things that have happened to you and come to one-sided conclusions. Try to stay objective about every situation.
• It may help you to write things down so that you can look at all the facts before you express your thoughts and feelings.
• Use “I” when you talk so it’s clear you are taking ownership of your thoughts, opinions and feelings. It’s also useful to explain why you feel the way you do, so try to express yourself by saying “I think… because…”
• Describe what you would like to happen (or change). Be specific and make sure what you’re saying is fair and reasonable. Don’t make threats, and be prepared to say what action you will take if people like your ideas.
• Remember that assertiveness is positive and constructive so you can apply the same principles to praising and complimenting people.

Do you want to find out more about being assertive? This website will give you information on how disabled people can be assertive in the workplace: www.jrf.org.uk

Getting yourself motivated

When it comes to motivating yourself and setting goals it can be hard to know where to start.
There are lots of simple things you can do to get motivated and feel good about the progress you make.

To start with, you might try to think positively. With practice, positive thinking becomes easier until you don’t even have to try. As the great American president Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Studies show that successful people are often positive thinkers. So how do you start to think positively? This list shows some of the things that positive thinkers do. Why not try these out for yourself and become one of them?

• See the best in people, and help them to see it in themselves by praising their achievements
• Praise yourself too – no matter how small you may think an achievement is, celebrate it!
• Be enthusiastic (remind yourself often of what you’ve achieved)
• Reward yourself for success – and others, too. The smallest token can make you feel great
• Train yourself to look for the good in any situation – this will help you to focus on the positive rather than the negative
• When you start to do something that you know will be difficult, visualise what you will do to succeed and then write down a plan of how to go about it
• Stay focused on important things by setting goals (see the setting goals section of this site)
• Be courageous when you need to be. It’s not an easy thing to do, but sometimes we just need to take a deep breath and go for it!
• Broaden your horizons by learning something new every day. Visit a website you’ve never been to, read something new – or find out more about the world from a newspaper
• Be honest with yourself – recognise when you haven’t succeeded and learn from any mistakes you’ve made
• Look forward to the future – remember that it holds new and exciting possibilities

No one’s saying it’s easy to become a positive thinker. It definitely won’t happen overnight. But if you keep on reminding yourself of these positive steps, you may be amazed at the progress you can make.

Putting it into practice

Ask yourself the following questions and develop your plan from the answers.

• Decide on your mission – what do you want to achieve in your work, your relationships, your hobbies?
• Set realistic goals for each area of your life – what will happen when you achieve them?
• Plan how long it will take to achieve each goal. Be patient and realistic, but don’t be shy – you want to get there!
• Chart your progress, in small but positive steps
• Reward yourself when you pass each milestone
• Share your success with others. Be proud of what you’ve done – and of what you can teach them, too
• Give yourself time to succeed. And as the saying goes, “If at first you don’t succeed…try, and try again.”
• If you have tried and tried to do something, and it still just seems too hard, take a break. Stop and remind yourself why you have chosen to take on this challenge. Think about what you expect to get out of it and where you hope it will lead you. This can help you to re focus and keep trying
• You’re in charge – no one can do it but you. So, remind yourself that you need to study or work on an assignment, even if you don’t feel like it right now. If you wait until you feel inspired to do it, you might never get round to it. Sometimes, just getting on and doing something can be its own inspiration
• Don’t forget to have fun along the way!

Dealing with setbacks & bad days

Being motivated is one thing, but some days you just feel that nothing is going right. This is normal – we can’t always be on top of things. When a day like this comes along, here are some tips to deal with it:

• Accept your bad feelings and go easy on yourself – it’s natural to have a bad day
• Lean on friends or family: that’s what they are there for
• Take time out, rest and do something relaxing that you enjoy
• Don’t take up time worrying or dwelling on what’s gone wrong – think about how you will deal with it next time
• Remind yourself that you’ve felt this way before, and that it didn’t last then, so it won’t last now
• Learn from your mistakes.

If you really feel that nothing you can do yourself will help, don’t give up. Why not talk to your best friend or parent or consider contacting a professional such as a counselor or an appropriate helpline?

Why set goals?

One of the best ways to stay positive is to set yourself goals – at work, in your personal life, in the sports you do and the hobbies you enjoy. A clear goal will provide you with a sense of direction and a way of measuring what you’ve achieved.

Research has shown that people who set goals:

• Suffer less from stress and anxiety
• Concentrate better
• Are more self-confident and happier
• Perform better.

This is because goals give you the will to achieve more. They help you to be proud of what you have achieved and more self-confident. They can help you to get past the attitudes that hold you back and make you unhappy.

Here are some tips to help you set effective goals.

• Write your goals down in order of importance so you won’t feel overwhelmed by having too many. Then focus on the most important ones
• Break big goals down into lots of little ones. If a goal is too large, it can seem that you are not making any progress
• Express your goals positively: “I want to learn how to be better at doing this” is a much better goal than “I don’t want to make this stupid mistake all the time”
• Be specific, so that you can measure your achievement: “I will achieve this by the end of the year”
• Tell other people about your goals so they can support and encourage you.

When you have achieved a goal enjoy the satisfaction of having done it. And remember to celebrate your achievement!

Real stories from young people

There are so many ways of showing your independence and taking control of your life. Here Lauren shows us one way by telling us about the time she organised a party for her mum on her own.

My Mum’s get well soon party…

“When my mum came home from hospital she felt really down and unwell so I decided to do something for her. I went around our block to invite some of her friends up for a get well soon party. I was 12 years old when I did this. Without my Whizz-Kidz powered wheelchair I wouldn’t have been able to do this.

I would like to say a great big thank you to Whizz-Kidz for the wonderful wheelchair. It has changed my life as I am now very independent and do things for myself like going to the shops and getting around places like school and youth club on my own.

The party was a huge, great success and everyone enjoyed themselves. I took my dad to the supermarket to get the drinks and crisps. I didn’t just do the party because mum wasn’t well. I also did it because she entertains me in the holidays and some weekends so I wanted to entertain her back to say thank you and show how much I appreciate what she does for me.”