Relationships

Starting and keeping up healthy relationships is important to our happiness, our sense of self-worth and our confidence.

But this is not to say that they are always easy - no matter how good they are, relationships can also be a source of pain when things go wrong. The way we deal with the ups and downs can decide how much happiness and long-term security we can draw from our relationships.

Relationships are important with all different people – family, school friends, work colleagues etc.

Getting the best out of your relationships

• Be yourself, and don’t try too hard - the best friends will like the real you
• Tell people as often as possible how you feel, whether it’s happy or sad
• Don’t let problems stew – always be ready to talk openly and honestly
• Don’t put up with bullying: you don’t have to and people will respect you for not taking it
• Make time to join in social activities
• Recognise your achievements and those of others - accept and give compliments
• Try to build your confidence every day by reminding yourself about what you have achieved – people like confident people. For some confidence building techniques, go to BBC [bbc.co.uk/health/confidence/learn]
• Don’t apologise for things that are not your fault, but always apologise for those that are
• Accept an apology when it’s offered - it probably took some courage to make
• Try to brush off stupid prejudices - show people that it’s silly to judge you by surface things, but if it is making you unhappy do tell someone such a teacher or manager
• Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help - it’s natural and people are usually pleased you asked
• If you are in a relationship that is not mutual or is making you unhappy try not to let it get you down. Talk to people and have the confidence to walk away if needs be. Remember, you have lots of other friends and there are always more people to meet
• Be open to new ideas and don’t be afraid to try new things if you can and want to
• Accept setbacks and arguments - you will always have ups and downs with the people you care about. It doesn’t mean you have to give up.

Dealing with conflicts and arguments

When relationships go wrong, or disagreements flare up, stay as cool as you can. Try not to flare up or panic. You want to get out of the situation happily and safely. So it's important to know how to deal with arguments and conflict.

• If you are physically threatened, don't hesitate. Get yourself away from the situation immediately
• Try to stay calm, not angry. Don't shout - If you are angry, find a way to take time out until you feel calmer
• Concentrate on trying to sort out your differences with the other person. If you know you disagree about something, don’t keep going over it
• Try to resolve one issue at a time. That way the conflict can gradually cool off
• Listen carefully, respect the views of others and be fair
• When you have something to say, be assertive, but not aggressive – say what you've got to say simply and briefly
• Make sure you listen carefully and really try to understand what is being said, even if you think you already know
• Don’t be insulting
• Be ready to give and take
• If you are not making progress, turn to someone else you trust to help you sort it out.

For advice on sexual matters, talk to someone you trust who has experience and/or is qualified to help such as your doctor, your parent, or a counsellor. Contact Youth Access for details of a young person's counselling service near you.

The BBC - www.bbc.co.uk/relationships has excellent information and tips for coping with conflicts and building confidence, as well as information on dating. There’s also a really good selection of counselling services.

Visit the Government’s mind, body and soul site for sexual health advice.

Mind and body

Staying fit and well will make you feel good about yourself and your life. And it’s not just about physical fitness - it’s also about staying healthy in your mind.

Our bodies are amazing, complicated machines. Our physical wellbeing is closely linked together with our mental health. A positive state of mind can mean we perform better physically – no matter what your ability. This is why psychology is so important in sport.

It works the other way as well. Being physically fit means a happier state of mind because we feel fitter, more relaxed, less tired, and able to be active. Sport is an especially good way to enjoy yourself, but also to achieve new things - and maybe even make it to the Paralympics. So how can you stay fit and well in mind, body and soul? Here are some basic pointers:

• Keep up the exercise - keep physically active. Do regular exercises, sports or just get out and enjoy the fresh air.
• Mental activity - stimulate your mind! Try playing games, pursuing hobbies and interests (even reading), getting more education (see the education section) and just enjoying social activities.
• Get your diet sorted. We don’t just mean losing weight – it’s about proper nutrition. Good food helps your whole body, including your brain, to work well. A healthy diet will help you stay in shape but also, if it’s well balanced, it will be full of all the nutrients your body needs. You’ll feel better, more alert, physically fitter, and happier.

Everyone is different. Your own specific needs are down to you, your doctor and your parent, your personal assistant or other family members - you all need to know about any special dietary requirements and how best to can use your physical mobility. You can work together to build a plan of exercise and nutrition.

But there’s one part that is completely down to you - and it’s the most important part. This is getting motivated to get active and get healthy. You’ll be amazed how much will-power you can tap into.

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